In some ways older dating is different, but in other ways it’s the same as everyone else except maybe for some of the expectations from a few of the guys I’ve spoken with. A blast from the past popped up a couple of weeks ago, a guy I’d been chatting with when I first started online dating (but pied me because he fancied his chances with someone else) messaged to ask why was I still single? Well Alan, that’s the 64 million dollar question but I soon found out why he himself is still single.
I know what I’m looking for and have accepted that there will probably have to be a couple of comprises, (tall dark and handsome has gone right out of the window) but Alan said that he was looking for someone that not only ticked the right boxes but would also be prepared to start a new life in Spain with him. He wants to retire there but isn’t prepared to start a new life there on his own and maybe find someone, he’s hoping that he’ll find a woman here who’s prepared to leave her family and grandchildren behind (if she has any.) Not fancying his chances there to be honest. But he’s not the only one who’s told me this, remember Colin, the 64 yr old I was grappling with at Piccadilly Gardens bus stop? He said exactly the same. He’s lived in Spain before and would like to go back but not on his own, so he’s also hoping to meet a woman who’s up for it. I understand that at our age the road ahead is shorter than the road behind so it makes sense to try and do what makes you happy. A last ditch attempt to try and start a new life somewhere while you still can, I’m all for that (I’ve done it for god’s sake) but I certainly wouldn’t expect a new partner to be on the same page. That’s a hell of a lot of pressure on someone and to be honest I like to think if a woman wanted that herself she would have gone and done it.
But it’s all about waiting to meet someone before starting the rest of your life. So many people (especially older people) won’t go on holiday/out to dinner/even the bloody cinema on their own. They’re waiting for someone before they make any plans for the future which I find is a sad way of thinking. I said the same to Alan which infuriated him. “What? So you think I’m sad?” Well yes as it happens. ” I think that people who put their life on hold while waiting to meet someone are sad, yes. You are expecting far too much from a potential partner to fulfill your life, in other words you’re relying on someone else to make you happy. That’s a lot of pressure on someone. You need to realise just because it’s your dream doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same.”
And then he blocked me. Blocked for being brutally honest.
In other news I’ve been chatting with a guy who I thought I recognised and after he’d asked me out on a date I remembered that actually, we’ve already been on a date. After I pointed this out he said he thought I looked familiar but couldn’t actually remember the date.
Not sure how I feel about that.
Sometime last week in the early hours of one morning I received a text from an unknown number, but I was pretty sure it was likely to be from either a guy I’ve already dated, or someone I’ve been chatting with online and as I was just drifting off I wasn’t about to get into an exchange at that time, so next morning I replied asking who it was.
He must have been a bit surprised that I’d not kept his number as he was quick to reply with “Oops sorry,wrong number but how are you anyway?” I had a feeling I knew who this was when his next text was a picture.Only one guy sent me pictures,usually of himself in his hot tub and showing off his well kept gardens and this was the guy who let me down on the last Bank Holiday with a migraine.”Yeah thought it was you Tom,Dick or whatever it is you’re calling yourself these days.” This one used two different names and he’s not the only one who does this but he didn’t seem upset by the insult and went on to say that he missed our chats and the laughs we had as apparently everyone is too serious.”You had your chance mate.Not the migraine as that couldn’t be helped but the vague re-arrangements that were made for a couple of days later only for you to text me and say that we could have been out that evening.It either happens or it doesn’t,please don’t send me random texts ever again.In fact,delete my number as I’ve clearly deleted yours.” Oh he didn’t like that and got a bit nasty so in the end I had to block him but I don’t believe for one minute that he sent that text to the wrong number he was clearly hoping for a third chance.As if.
While we’re on the subject of online dating does anyone else message guys first? I just think if he seems to tick a lot of boxes,has a few pics,writes a decent profile then why not? Some guys might want to get in touch with you but might be a bit shy so will be over the moon if you do it first.Or I have had the opposite effect on men where I have messaged them and I am clearly not what they want (idiots) so they don’t message back, but that’s ok because I also do the same to men I’m not interested in.
This week I’m in contact with a man who is a “top ten prospect” and I loved the fact he has taken time and effort over his profile but I have a sneaky suspicion that he’s chatting with a few different women (like everyone does but that’s fine) as he’s not really saying anything about meeting up.Let’s face it,the last time I had a pen pal was in school so I’m not really into emailing for days on end and I’m starting to lose interest, so unless he makes noises about meeting him then I’ll end up just deleting him,harsh but true.
For god’s sake,don’t men recognise a goddess when they see one?
Having got back from holiday there were loads of emails to catch up on and a few notifications from twitter including a new follower “M”. Looking at his account he seemed ok so I followed him back. Within five minutes he was starting a conversation which ended with both of us agreeing to meet up for coffee the next day, not my usual style of doing things but I thought why not? He wasn’t bad looking. had a head full of hair but I must admit I did think he looked gay on one of his pics but as flatmate wasn’t around to ask I pushed that thought away.
At the time there were no pictures of me on Twitter and so he had no idea what I looked like but I spotted him straight away as the tram was coming to a stop. As we were walking along he was chatting away and literally name dropped in the first five minutes…not impressed. By the time we’d sat down and ordered, I’d found out that he’d been married twice but has no contact with either of his ex wives which is quite strange. He was really easy to talk to and apart from him asking a couple of questions I was happy to listen to him talking about himself because it was becoming more and more apparent that this man was definitely gay. Most of his conversation was about women and how they all loved him as he paid attention to when they had their hair different, changed their make up and listened to them go on about their boyfriends/husbands and every now and then he would give me what I can only describe as his “showbiz smile” it was so fake and a bit creepy to be honest but by now I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him again. We said our goodbyes but then a couple of days later he phoned me.
He said that he’d been in Tesco the previous day and after helping an old lady pack her bags (who he didn’t know) a gorgeous woman (well she’d have to be wouldn’t she) came up to him and threw her arms around him and gave him a big kiss for “being so nice” and no she didn’t know the old lady either. I tried not to make it obvious that I didn’t believe a word of it but then he carried on with his second story. Apparently as he’s starting his own business he’d been advertising for a sales person and he’d just interviewed this fabulous woman with legs up to her armpits, short skirt on, low cut top and (get this) he said as he could see her lacy bra through her top she was probably a 36 E cup. Oh, and she has her own business. I couldn’t help it.”So this woman with her own successful business, wants to come and work for you because?” He could tell I wasn’t buying any of it so retaliated.”I’ll be paying her twice the going rate and she’ll get a great bonus every month. Got to go now I’ll phone you in about a week”. Make it a year M.
After we’d hung up I went on to his twitter account and realised that nearly all the people he follows are women. Gay or straight that’s a bit weird but I did remember that he said one of the reasons he doesn’t speak to his second ex wife is because she posted on Facebook that she’d just wasted 5 years of her life with a gay husband, think that says it all.
It`s about time I started to give people a chance that I normally wouldn’t, apparently. I realise that at my age I can’t keep going for a physical type anymore because let’s face it most men have lost their looks by now so you have to hope that they’ve got a personality to make up for it, so when “T” messaged me I was prepared to maybe compromise on a couple of things, A big plus was the fact that he was into Northern Soul. I’ve not really chatted to anyone on POF who’s into that and though I don’t really want to get involved with anyone who goes to events every weekend as I’d end up getting bored, T assured me that he didn’t. What I did notice though was that on each picture of him his hair was a different shade of gingery brown, not my usual type at all but as I was trying to give other guys I wouldn’t normally bother with a chance, I arranged to meet him for a drink outside a bar in town one Tuesday afternoon.
After waiting for him for about 10 minutes I received a txt. “I’m inside, on the left dressed in black” so in I went where I found him easily enough and he’d already got a drink waiting for me. Once we got chatting it turned out that yes he did go to events every single weekend which is of course entirely up to him, but then we got chatting about rare records. T has a book which he uses when he goes looking for records in charity shops and this book is a list of every record ever made and what that record would be worth now so it’s a bit like a bible for someone looking to buy and sell vinyl. After about 15 minutes of T telling me what such and such a record is worth because only 3 were made in a shed in the outback I started to get a bit worried, this was a very big book after all. Changing the subject I asked him about his hair colour. “I like to experiment with box colours from the poundshop but try to keep it looking as natural as I can.” I couldn’t be bothered telling him that it clearly wasn’t working but as we were talking I couldn’t help but think there was something not quite right on his face then I realised when I looked closer, his eyebrows were pencilled on. Not full on drag queen, just a bit but definitely pencilled. At this point I called it a day with some lame excuse or other and as we both got up he was clearly a couple of inches shorter than me, not the 5ft 10 he said he was on his profile, no wonder he was already in the place and sat down before he txt me. I think he knew that we wouldn’t be meeting again but he’s certainly not the worst guy I’ve ever met I was just disappointed and while I’m open to meeting someone who doesn’t fit everything on a check list some things just aren’t acceptable, pencilled on eyebrows being one of them.