What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger.

A few days ago I was asked a question during a conversation, did I see myself as a strong northern woman? Without hesitation I replied that yes, I did. It doesn’t matter where you’re from/live if you’ve gone through life where you’ve had to deal with things that most people will never have to deal with, and then come out the other side still standing, then yes,that makes you a strong person.
All of us are going to have to deal with something unpleasant at some point in our lives. Most of us are going to have that friend who in the end stabs us in the back, the guy/girl you fancy getting off with your mate (who by the way KNEW you liked them) being overlooked for promotion in favour of the newbie who’s only been there 5 minutes and maybe the house you’ve put an offer on falls through at the last minute..Hurtful and annoying yes, but if that’s all you’ll ever have to deal with count yourself lucky.
Most of us at some point will  find a career, a partner to settle down with, buy a house and life takes a massive turn when you decide to have children. Imagine 10/15 years down the line when you’re established with your career, mortgage, married life and you find out your partner’s cheating. Or you or your partner have been made redundant, but just enough money is coming in to make it impossible to claim benefits but eventually the house is going to get repossessed. Maybe you’re dealing with a close relative with a life threatening illness. And just  when you think you’ve weathered all the storms you get to middle age and the money you have set aside for retirement vanishes due to the collapse of the company that’s supposedly looking after it. Unfortunately life throws some people a curve ball and while some people can go through life in a straight line, no bumps or forks in the road, no diversions just a straight line from A to B it’s not the same for everyone.
Some of us won’t be anywhere near this road. We’ll be on the one that has had a bridge that has collapsed just as we get there, the one with roadworks but with no easy pedestrian access, the one with a great big tree that has fallen across it. How we deal with this will determine character. Dealing with it will make us stronger, but more wary, more cynical and less likely to believe everything we are told. It’s not always about making the wrong choices, some things happen that we could never have seen coming in a million years but hopefully we’ll all have family and  friends that we can lean on during difficult times.
Like the saying goes “I wish I knew then what I know now”.
Oh how true that is.

Let’s Go Round Again, One More Time.

It’s fair to say that some people have such a good time on the roller coaster of love that they want to do it more than once, with disastrous results. Not a problem when you’re young, no children and no mortgage but it tends to get a bit messy when other factors are involved, namely a second or third marriage. Obviously no-one gets married to get divorced and as we all know there’s quite a high percentage of divorces and I don’t know about you but I must admit I’m a bit wary of getting re-married (to anyone) but that doesn’t seem to deter some people, optimistic or just tunnel vision I’m not sure but let’s consider this.
A guy’s come out of his first marriage and he’s had a couple of kids and he’s late 30’s/early 40’s.
He then meets someone a few years younger than himself who’s also been married but she has no children. He’s not actually keen to have any more children but his shiny bright new toy has a biological clock ticking away inside, (who’d have thought?) maybe they’ve had a conversation about children and maybe he’s just hoping she’ll eventually go off the idea. Fat chance. After his divorce settlement he’s managed to buy a modest terrace house, but he’s still paying maintenance towards his children, his new girlfriend also has her own house but quite a way from where he lives but it’s not a problem as they don’t live together. Until she gets pregnant and wants “T” to move in with her. So the short drive to work is now going to be a long one but hey, he doesn’t mind as they’re both happy and that’s all that counts right? His children aren’t happy about the new addition but he’s hoping they’ll get used to it.
After a few years of wedded bliss it’s all over and he’s back on POF with a couple of added complications so by the time I meet him he’s not in the best situation. He’s had to sell his house to pay her off and he’s now paying maintenance for the second lot of children. First lot are at Uni so he’ll be paying out a bit for those as well. He’s now in rented accommodation and instead of maybe taking it a bit easier at work he’s having to work harder just to pay the bills. Not exactly an attractive proposition is it? Believe it or not this is quite common, a lot of older 50 plus guys have young children, not for me I’m afraid.
.Having said that though that scenario might still be a better date than this guy.”P” and I exchanged a few messages when he asked me out on a Saturday night.He was going to pick his dream car up which was a Bentley Continental (whatever that is) and he offered to pick me up in it.I must admit I was really tempted but then I had to refuse as I don’t get into a car with someone I don’t know. We made arrangements to meet in town but later in the afternoon he sent me a message. “Sorry I’ll have to cancel, I forgot I’d already asked my ex-neighbour and I was still drunk when I asked you out”. And no. I’ve not heard anything since.