Someone’s Swimming In That Egyptian River.

Having got back from holiday there were loads of emails to catch up on and a few notifications from twitter including a new follower “M”. Looking at his account he seemed ok so I followed him back. Within five minutes he was starting a conversation which ended with both of us agreeing to meet up for coffee the next day, not my usual style of doing things but I thought why not? He wasn’t bad looking. had a head full of hair but I must admit I did think he looked gay on one of his pics but as flatmate wasn’t around to ask I pushed that thought away.
At the time ┬áthere were no pictures of me on Twitter and ┬áso he had no idea what I looked like but I spotted him straight away as the tram was coming to a stop. As we were walking along he was chatting away and literally name dropped in the first five minutes…not impressed. By the time we’d sat down and ordered, I’d found out that he’d been married twice but has no contact with either of his ex wives which is quite strange. He was really easy to talk to and apart from him asking a couple of questions I was happy to listen to him talking about himself because it was becoming more and more apparent that this man was definitely gay. Most of his conversation was about women and how they all loved him as he paid attention to when they had their hair different, changed their make up and listened to them go on about their boyfriends/husbands and every now and then he would give me what I can only describe as his “showbiz smile” it was so fake and a bit creepy to be honest but by now I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him again. We said our goodbyes but then a couple of days later he phoned me.
He said that he’d been in Tesco the previous day and after helping an old lady pack her bags (who he didn’t know) a gorgeous woman (well she’d have to be wouldn’t she) came up to him and threw her arms around him and gave him a big kiss for “being so nice” and no she didn’t know the old lady either. I tried not to make it obvious that I didn’t believe a word of it but then he carried on with his second story. Apparently as he’s starting his own business he’d been advertising for a sales person and he’d just interviewed this fabulous woman with legs up to her armpits, short skirt on, low cut top and (get this) he said as he could see her lacy bra through her top she was probably a 36 E cup. Oh, and she has her own business. I couldn’t help it.”So this woman with her own successful business, wants to come and work for you because?” He could tell I wasn’t buying any of it so retaliated.”I’ll be paying her twice the going rate and she’ll get a great bonus every month. Got to go now I’ll phone you in about a week”. Make it a year M.
After we’d hung up I went on to his twitter account and realised that nearly all the people he follows are women. Gay or straight that’s a bit weird but I did remember that he said one of the reasons he doesn’t speak to his second ex wife is because she posted on Facebook that she’d just wasted 5 years of her life with a gay husband, think that says it all.