Sun,sea and walking sticks.

Waiting in the departure lounge before heading off on holiday I started to get a bit worried, as everyone seemed to be so old. I should have realised with the time of year that it was going to be popular with older people but still,I felt like I was on the set of “Cocoon”.It wasn`t all bad,on arrival at the hotel there were a group of younger people that livened things up a bit and provided some of the entertainment.
Having sussed out that the hotel wasn`t as close to the beach as it said it was I spent a lot of  the time at the hotel mainly sunbathing on the rooftop terrace.It was obvious I was there alone and some people made me feel very welcome to join them, which I usually did in the evenings.The place was full of couples,not many families and certainly no other single people but that didn`t bother me as I wasn`t on the lookout for a holiday romance even though a couple of people I knew seemed to think just because I was going on my own I was “going to have a really good time,wink wink”.
We weren`t short on entertainment though.One evening there was a heated exchange between a 60 year old lesbian couple which involved an accusation of one of them sitting too close to someone else while watching the parrot show.There were tears,a drink being flung at an innocent woman minding her own business, before the two of them left to sort it out.
Then there was the music quiz.One (rather large) woman was in it to win it.The idea was to run to an empty chair on the stage if you knew the answer.One man got there seconds before this lady did and as he sat down she literally pulled him out of the chair and flung him off the stage.Luckily he was unhurt but her next victim wasn`t so lucky.Running up to the stage (again) she pushed into a woman who was making her way back to her seat from the bar and the poor woman (and drinks) went flying.The entertainment rep decided to call it a night before there was a serious accident.What was the prize? The winning team, which was five of them,won one cocktail between them.I know…not even one each.Did I say there were there no other single people?
I tell a lie.There was one other person.
A woman was sat outside the restaurant one morning when I went down to breakfast and beckoned me over.I`d seen her around but not actually spoken to her but she spoke to me like we were old friends.She started to show me some pictures on her phone.”Look at these.This was me on Christmas day.Beaten black and blue by my ex.” Well what do you say to that? “He lives on this island and he was in court yesterday and I think he may have been sent to prison as I can`t get hold of him.” I was trying to be sympathetic when I said.”Well to be honest if he did that to you he probably deserves it.” She started laughing.”Well what the judge doesn`t know is that I had smashed a bottle of brandy over his head! I’ve been given the number of prisoners abroad what should I do?” I really didn’t want to get involved with this.”Maybe you should ring the number,I’d love to hear the outcome but I need to get some breakfast.” I made sure I avoided her the rest of the time I was there.
When I got back home a couple of people asked who I`d been away with,and when I said “Just by myself” one or two said “Oh I would do that.Just spend a week away on my own”. And this is usually the people who have never done it,never will and who can`t cross the road without the help of a lollipop lady…

Club Tropicana drinks are free….

Well no George…not in the 80`s they weren`t. As I`ve been looking for a holiday to book for the past week and getting more and more infuriated at the cost of all the add-ons it got me thinking to when I went abroad for the first time.
Back in 1980 my wing man M and I decided to go on holiday that summer so we went to the town centre and started looking in the windows of all the travel agents.For some reason we fancied Cornwall and paid a deposit to stay at a B&B for two weeks in August which we were both really excited about.When it came to paying the full amount we were told something ridiculous along the lines of we would have to take our own toilet roll so the travel agent suggested that we could actually have a holiday abroad for the same amount.M and I looked at each other..we`d never considered this but would definately try it so that`s how we came to end up in Benidorm. At that time, the price in the travel agent`s window was the price you paid and get this…no luggage restrictions, an in-flight meal was part of the package and so was your transfer.We were also going full board (no all-inclusive then) which probably meant we`d never make breakfast but luckily lunch would be served at twelve…bloody marvelous!
A holiday for 2 weeks is what everyone did back then, usually in the height of summer and when you were buying holiday clothes that`s what they were…holiday clothes, so when your case got on that plane there was an entire brand new wardrobe which was 14 different outfits for every night and maybe 14 pairs of shoes which had been packed in your case for weeks.The weeks leading up to your holiday you were going out in any old thing because your best stuff was packed away and when you got back from your hols obviously there probably wasn`t much Summer left to wear your new stuff but hey who cares? It was all part of the fun. When you got off the plane there was always a photographer taking pics of everyone coming down the steps which ended up in the foyer of your hotel so you could buy them or maybe have it made into a keyring. And who can forget the other photographers in these resorts who would make a living taking your picture with a (usually smoking) chimp dressed in a bizarre outfit?
Obviously two young girls on holiday were going to have a holiday romance.Mine was with the DJ at the club we always seemed to end up in (which we loved) and as for M, hers was with a gorgeous guy who was leaving before we did so M decided one hot afternoon that we should go to his apartment and leave him her number.When we got there he wasn`t in so we decided she would leave him a note.As we were in bikinis we weren`t carrying much but somehow she had some paper but no pen..what to do? Well…M had brought her lip gloss (don`t ask) and as it was a wand she used it to write a note and slid it under the door….All I can say is it was probably undecipherable by the time he got back.What with the heat it probably looked like a sticky mess and lets face it, he probably stood on it when he walked in…and that M is the reason he never called….

Shirley Valentine. I feel your pain……

Looking through profiles I notice that a few of the guys mention that they don`t want to go on holiday on their own (who does?)  so I`m assuming that they don`t bother…..one guy even said he`d love to visit his brother in Australia but would rather wait until he found someone to go with which I thought was quite sad.So all these men have basically put their lives on hold until they meet someone….pathetic.But this reminded me of the time I went on holiday on my own (quite unintentional
Quite a few years ago a friend “J” and I were planning a weeks holiday to the Costa Del Sol. We decided we were going to book it about 6 weeks before we were due to go, hoping to get it cheaper. This wasn`t that long after I`d broken up with my ex-husband so I was really looking forward to it but as we got closer to the time of booking it I had noticed that J wasn`t even mentioning it so I asked her to tell me what was going on? “I`m really sorry but I`ve not booked the time off work and now I can`t get it off what are you going to do?” Oh my god I couldn`t believe it…”What am I going to do? I`m going J! I`ve booked the time off work, saved the money, got the kids sorted and I don`t want to wake up in an empty house on Sunday morning look out of the window at the rain and wished I`d gone! And you J are taking me to the airport!” She didn`t expect that I could tell and it was only after I`d actually said it that I started thinking,could I go on my own? I went to the travel agent before I could talk myself out of it and booked a week in Torremilinos, in August, paying through the nose for single supplement.J took me to the airport.”Can`t believe you`re doing this” I bit my tongue before answering “Haven`t much choice really have I?”.
The hardest part for me was actually waiting to be checked in as everyone is looking at everyone else to see who`s going to be on their plane and I stood out like a sore thumb….single woman going on holiday on her own…..how sad. But I had my story ready and it wasn`t long before someone sidled up and asked “You on your own then?” I tried to look tearful. “Yes,it should have been my honeymoon and it was too short notice to find someone to come with me.If you don`t mind I`d rather not talk about it”. Word soon got round and I`m quite sure that  by the time I boarded that plane everybody knew my story. This went in my favour though as when we got to the hotel I made quite a lot of new friends who all felt sorry for me and insisted on me spending time with them instead of on my own,. In fact I had a great time…..
The second time I`d planned to go on my own but as I was about to book it a woman I worked with asked could she come along. Now I`d heard a few rumours about “T” but I felt a bit under pressure so I agreed. We ended up in the hell hole known as Loret-de-Mar and as it was evening when we landed we hit the bars straight away.The very first bar we walked  into T got talking to a guy and as I turned to her and said “Shall we try somewhere else” I could see she was getting very friendly with him so she said”Well actually I`m quite happy here” So I left them to it and went back to the apartment. I didn`t see T for two days…..
When she finally turned up I`d made friends with some other people and she tried to tag along but I was fuming…”Finally kicked you out of bed has he?” She said they were still seeing each other but I didn`t believe it especially when he stopped me one night.”Hi,I`ve given T my number and my address. Could you go through her bag and find it and destroy it?” “Well no I don`t think I want to do that. And let me tell you this, she is the type of girl who WILL turn up on your doorstep and do you know what? It serves you right”. The rest of the holiday was spent watching T trying to make this idiot jealous by getting off with randomers.Pure entertainment for us all but I really wished I`d gone on my own……