Anyone who is using any dating sites/apps will know what an uphill struggle it is to find someone you even want to meet,never mind the happy ever after and as much as we would all love to meet someone in the “normal” way modern life dictates that this is virtually impossible.
Back in the day everyone worked the same hours Monday to Friday,there were no long hours in the office,shops weren’t open 24 hours,no deadlines to present to someone who lives in China, so everyone was around in bars at the same time which made life so much easier.As much as it is difficult to meet someone when you’re in your 20’s/30’s try fast forwarding another 30 years and you get to walk in my shoes.
Online dating means we can be who ever we want to be and although I’m quite happy being myself thank you very much, a lot of people feel the need to enhance the truth a bit. We’ve all been there.Dates with guys who turn up in old joggers,look nothing like their pics and on top of that are lacking in the personality department but sometimes I think we shoot ourselves in the foot by being too picky.One of my pet hates is guys who can’t spell and use text abbreviations on their profile but if I was to meet them before I knew this and we got on really well then the fact that they can’t spell properly wouldn’t bother me because I wouldn’t know.If you have chemistry with someone the normal things that annoy you about online profiles would go out of the window so that being said I’ve decided to move my goalposts a bit.
When I first started dating I was looking for non smokers but if a guy ticks a lot of other boxes I’m prepared to overlook a couple of things and smoking is one of them.I’m also having to be realistic here, which is not the same as lowering my standards but you have to understand that my options are a lot less than 30 years ago so I’ve decided to bite the bullet and not insist that my dates have hair, so baldies are in with a chance.Another one is widowers.I think I’ve met the ones who are looking for a replacement pretty damn quick so anyone will do,but maybe if he’s been on his own a bit longer I might consider a date.And who knows.maybe the guys who only date petite blondes are also moving their own goalposts to include loud, gobby, opinionated brunettes. They don’t know what they’re letting themselves in for…
Apparently it’s not enough these days to just put a profile and a couple of photos on dating sites like everyone else,you need the help of a dating expert, dating coach,matchmaker, and various other people. There are also people out there who will take the photos for you and people who will help you to write that “killer” profile. All for a price of course.
I somehow managed to write one all by myself and it must have been good as someone nicked it. A guy got in touch after reading it and asked would I mind if he used it himself? I replied that yes I would mind as it had taken me ages to think of a good profile and maybe he should try that himself? A couple of days later he messaged to say “Look at my profile,what do you think?” and he’d taken mine. Tweaked it a bit so it was about him but was definitely mine.I was furious so I reported him to the site but they weren’t interested. So after that I was a bit loathe to go all out and think up another really good one so I’ve played it safe ever since, maybe that’s where I’m going wrong.
There are loads of dating experts around but I can’t see how someone who won’t be in my position for at least another 20 years, can possibly help me and others my age group when they do not have a clue as to what it’s like. Older dating is harder, and that’s a fact. Someone a lot younger will not realise that even in this day and age older men are homophobic, it’s a generation thing. And the ones who think that they’re funny are still telling you old jokes they’ve remembered from lolly sticks.
Bloggers who write about dating will sometimes be asked by an “expert” to write a guest post for a blog or newsletter. All of a sudden someone will get in touch with “I love your blog!” and then ask if you’d write a (free) piece for them. I’ve been asked myself a couple of times and twitter seems to be full of them,
.Watching an episode of First Dates a couple of weeks ago I was involved in a conversation with someone on twitter who was on an episode of this series.”I should have been on it but they couldn’t find anyone for me and I’m not surprised as I can’t find him either”.I said. Next thing a “dating lifestyle coach” tweeted me.”Maybe I can help you there”.”Really? Not sure if you realise the challenges of older dating but if you can find me a normal man with hair and a sense of humour, who’s not looking for someone younger,who’s not looking for someone “to do stuff with” who’s not homophobic,or a bigot then yes you can help.” I didn’t get a reply and I would have been surprised if I had.
I’m not knocking all the dating industry as I would actually use a match making service but that will be a last resort, it’s just that on the whole, it seems that there’s a lot of money to be made from some people who might be at a vulnerable time of their lives. Having said that please let me be the first one to take it to the next level and actually charge people to go on a date instead of them. Let’s see how long it is before that happens…
So here we are two months into 2015 and after a flurry of the usual “This year I’m hoping to find the one” on various dating sites, let’s take a look shall we?
A few of you men have still yet to learn how to spell properly, and definitely stop using text abbreviations. These aren’t young kids I’m talking about, these are grown men over 50 years old. Then we have the usual “Like staying in/going out. Not ready for pipe and slippers yet” but yet you’ve listed visiting a garden centre as an interest. Not to mention pottering around in your shed.
I realise it’s harder to date when you’re older but surely by now some of these guys might have guessed that in order to get a woman’s attention they should appear to be just a little bit interesting. Not much to ask is it? A guy’s profile (and this is more than one) that says “Ask me anything” and says nothing else, makes me think that they’re actually quite lazy so no,I certainly won’t be getting in touch.
But the opposite to these guys are the ones who go running/hang-gliding/mountain climbing and fighting dragons which tells me that they don’t really have time for a relationship even though they seem a lot more interesting. So I suppose a lot of women would be looking for guys who fall in-between these two camps.
This is where the fun starts.
I have turned up for dates where the guys are a lot, shall we say bigger, than the one photo that’s on their profile, guys who smoke when their profile said they didn’t, guys in “complicated” relationships. I’ve dated widowers who certainly weren’t over the loss of their wives. Guys who were confused about their sexuality, there have been homophobes, misogynists,and someone who did actually bring a voucher along for a cut price meal. Some men are just looking for a companion to do things with, but that’s certainly not enough for me. I’ve dated men who’ve complained about absolutely everything from the start of the date right through to the end, this could be the weather/parking/price of coffee/ and usually about other dates they’ve been on.
I’ve actually had dates with some lovely men but they were just not for me.
But I’ll keep looking. Someone somewhere has my name on a pillow next to his but in the meantime I’m off on holiday for a week to Feurteventura with me myself and I so you never know what might happen.
Last week I went on a date.Coffee of course, you know the script by now.I`d chatted to “L” a couple of times on the phone and I liked the fact that he was really easy to chat to so I was looking forward to this one.Yes he had a dodgy hairstyle but that can easily be fixed, as can dress sense so off I went.
As I got to our meeting place I saw an old man and my heart seemed to stop for a second.It was L.My first thought was to turn around and txt with some bizarre excuse as to why I couldn`t make it but decided against it as at least he`d made the effort and turned up.He was 57 yrs old and was smartly dressed but all the time I was thinking “I`n too young for this”.During coffee he never shut up about his childhood, exes,his job and I put it down to nerves and when I was asked the usual questions he started talking before I`d finished. Not a problem as I`d already decided I wasn`t going to see him again, but it got me thinking.
This is it now for me.It`s been like a slap in the face as I realise that the men my age are mostly old in outlook and just want someone to go on holiday with.A companion in other words.L said it himself that he was just looking for someone to “do stuff with”.I now have to come to terms with the fact I am never going to look at someone and think yeah….let`s rip your clothes off.And that believe it or not is quite upsetting.
I don`t want to hear from people (usually married) “Oh why do you even care about that?” I`ll tell you why.I don`t want to think that I`m never going to have that heart lifting moment when you spend time with someone who you can`t get enough of, butterflies when you see them, nights on the town, making endless plans and just the thought of them puts a smile on your face.That I believe now, is never going to happen again.I`ve been on enough dates to know the score.
Older people like to think that they`re not getting older but of course they are, the mirror and our bodies tell us that, but I for one want more than just a companion and I can`t tell you how it feels to think I`ll probably never lust after anyone again….
Having got back from holiday there were loads of emails to catch up on and a few notifications from twitter including a new follower “M”. Looking at his account he seemed ok so I followed him back. Within five minutes he was starting a conversation which ended with both of us agreeing to meet up for coffee the next day, not my usual style of doing things but I thought why not? He wasn’t bad looking. had a head full of hair but I must admit I did think he looked gay on one of his pics but as flatmate wasn’t around to ask I pushed that thought away.
At the time there were no pictures of me on Twitter and so he had no idea what I looked like but I spotted him straight away as the tram was coming to a stop. As we were walking along he was chatting away and literally name dropped in the first five minutes…not impressed. By the time we’d sat down and ordered, I’d found out that he’d been married twice but has no contact with either of his ex wives which is quite strange. He was really easy to talk to and apart from him asking a couple of questions I was happy to listen to him talking about himself because it was becoming more and more apparent that this man was definitely gay. Most of his conversation was about women and how they all loved him as he paid attention to when they had their hair different, changed their make up and listened to them go on about their boyfriends/husbands and every now and then he would give me what I can only describe as his “showbiz smile” it was so fake and a bit creepy to be honest but by now I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him again. We said our goodbyes but then a couple of days later he phoned me.
He said that he’d been in Tesco the previous day and after helping an old lady pack her bags (who he didn’t know) a gorgeous woman (well she’d have to be wouldn’t she) came up to him and threw her arms around him and gave him a big kiss for “being so nice” and no she didn’t know the old lady either. I tried not to make it obvious that I didn’t believe a word of it but then he carried on with his second story. Apparently as he’s starting his own business he’d been advertising for a sales person and he’d just interviewed this fabulous woman with legs up to her armpits, short skirt on, low cut top and (get this) he said as he could see her lacy bra through her top she was probably a 36 E cup. Oh, and she has her own business. I couldn’t help it.”So this woman with her own successful business, wants to come and work for you because?” He could tell I wasn’t buying any of it so retaliated.”I’ll be paying her twice the going rate and she’ll get a great bonus every month. Got to go now I’ll phone you in about a week”. Make it a year M.
After we’d hung up I went on to his twitter account and realised that nearly all the people he follows are women. Gay or straight that’s a bit weird but I did remember that he said one of the reasons he doesn’t speak to his second ex wife is because she posted on Facebook that she’d just wasted 5 years of her life with a gay husband, think that says it all.