It’s Been A While…

It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date but as always, all dating apps/sites are very busy in the new year as everyone seems to have made a resolution that this will be the year that they find someone so everybody seems to make a big effort, well for 5 minutes at least so it’s been no surprise to find loads of messages from guys all wanting to get to know me better. So after sifting through them and not even replying to the 80% of “Hi” I got into conversation with a few guys and decided to meet up with “P” for coffee at Media City. For some reason some dating experts sneer at coffee dates but for me it’s a really good way of finding out if we might want to go on an actual date and an hour is long enough (too long sometimes) for both of us if the conversation has dried up but to be fair that has never ever happened as most of my dates don’t know when to shut up.

I’d spoken to P on the phone a couple of times and I had noticed that he did talk a lot but I put it down to maybe nerves and also maybe he liked the sound of his own voice but here we were at the coffee place where I was about to find out.

He liked to talk.

It’s been a while since I’ve had my ears battered with the sound of whinging bitter middle aged men and I had almost forgotten how much they can go on about themselves, but especially about an ex. Guaranteed that when a guy makes a reference to an ex but then says “I don’t want to talk about it” I’m being told things I don’t want to know within 10 minutes. P was no exception but by the end of his tirade I was feeling sorry for his ex. He called her stupid, a bitch, and the reason they split up was because “She said NO to EVERYTHING!” I’m guessing that wasn’t the reason, she probably called it quits when she found out he’d been buying properties but not putting her name on them (which he was bragging about) but all he could focus on was how many times he had to tell her how to use the washing machine properly as she had a habit of shrinking clothes when washing them. I didn’t even give P an hour, my excuse (which was the truth) was that I had to get into Manchester to an open mic comedy might where I was praying that the acts would be funny after such a depressing date because this is what these guys don’t seem to realise, we’ve met up because we could be interested in each other so what better way to impress than express your hate for an ex. The last date I had before this one didn’t shut up about his holiday in Havana so if anyone is planning a trip there then get in touch because I can tell you all you need to know. He was still talking when I put my coat on, picked my bag up and walked off, maybe women are also guilty of this, who knows?

It’s not been all bad though, any older women on dating sites will tell you that they get messages from young guys in their early twenties and I’m no exception but usually after saying thanks but no thanks they go away but for some reason I have a particular 23 yr old who seems very persistent, we all know his reasons for wanting an older woman but it does make me smile and yes it does give you a confidence boost. But how ironic when a lot of older guys my age want younger women but I’ll put money on that they aren’t getting messages from them asking for sex.

Now could somebody please pass me the earplugs.

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The Blind Date.

A few weeks ago I went to a fabulous restaurant for dinner on a blind date paid for by a national newspaper. Both of us had been matched by someone who was running a feature about older daters and of course I was looking forward to it, as anyone who has agreed to go on a blind date must have something about them already.

A photographer came round to my place 2 hours early and had patiently been waiting for me to get home so he could set up, but he then had to wait for me to get ready. The dress code is quite strict with photographs especially where colour is concerned so the outfit I’d originally planned to wear for the photos was considered to be too dark. White was also a non starter as were certain patterns so the end result was probably the only outfit we could use,(didn’t wear it on the date though) so luckily it turned out alright.

It’s always strange meeting someone on a blind date but I like the fact I don’t know anything about them, there’s been no interaction so I have no expectations. Colin was the perfect gentleman, was easy to get on with and had plenty to say, although that didn’t seem to stop him drinking most of the wine. He told me a couple of things that made me think he was  probably not for me but he was in fact good company but it wasn’t long before he made it quite clear that he liked me, and I mean REALLY liked me, so much so that after telling him I was off to Ibiza on holiday that coming weekend he said that he could probably come out there himself and where was it I was staying? After laughing it off and saying he was joking (he so wasn’t) he decided to try and show off by talking Spanish to the Italian waiters who obviously couldn’t understand him. On that note we left the restaurant and made our way to Piccadilly Gardens.

Once outside Colin tried to link me, then he was rubbing my back, pawing at me and generally trying to pull me close to him until I told him to stop it. Once we got to my bus stop he insisted on staying with me until the bus came and thought it would be an opportunity to pull me close to him even though he says in his interview he knew I was uncomfortable with it. He gave me his number (no intention of using it) and that was that. The journalist doing the feature rang both of us to ask how we got on a couple of days later and she mentioned that Colin had said I hadn’t been in touch.

Two days and Colin said I hadn’t been in touch.

I told her all about the date and about how he was way too keen and how off putting it is and she agreed before saying “Why don’t you just text him to thank him for the date?” But I did that on the night, he knows, I don’t want to encourage him, I know EXACTLY what will happen. “To be polite”, she said. Hang on a minute, I’ve done my bit, I’ve been polite enough putting up with everything that happened on the way back to the bus stop, Colin’s had a good night let’s just leave it. “Just be polite” so I messaged him.

What a mistake that was.

I was bombarded with messages every day while I was on holiday, I didn’t even reply to most of them but that didn’t stop him. He wanted to know which hotel I was in, he could come over and stay, (this is the problem with retired guys too much time on their hands) we were going to have such a good time, apparently. This after just ONE DATE. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, I’ve been on enough dates to know when something’s not right. Because I didn’t reply the messages stopped apart from Thursday mornings when I’d get told who was in this week’s feature of Blind Date in the paper.

Until today.

Today it was our turn to be in the paper with our blind date and I think some clarification is needed to explain the difference between a “good date” and a “good date” where you want to see someone again.

1, I didn’t fancy him, if I did that would have gone a long way to wanting to see him again.

2. The fact you have something in common doesn’t mean it’s going anywhere. In our case our common interest (apparently) was the fact he lived in Spain doing dodgy dealings and I lived in Gibraltar at a completely different time drinking too much vodka that put me off for life. Enough to ride off into the sunset?

3. Just because we’re older doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be as picky. I’m still working, most guys I date are retired which means that they will be sulking as I don’t have the time they need to be at their beck and call and even though they’ll all say they love the fact I have my own life they don’t like it at all.

4. People can lose their confidence when it comes to dating and I understand that, being too keen can mean they’ve forgotten what the rules are and if that’s the case then it’s fine, but don’t push it when someone says “No” that’s just being an idiot.

5. When you’ve been dating a while you’ve been on enough dates to know the difference between a “good date”and one that means you can’t wait to see them again. How many people do you see on First Dates who after the date say they want to see each other again but then don’t?

6. Chemistry. End of.

I had a nice time, we had a good date but it wasn’t enough, just couldn’t see myself with him no matter how hard I tried and a goddess won’t settle for second best. To add insult to injury after I’d been on the blind date when I got off the bus near home I crossed  the road, tripped, and fell head first along the pavement which resulted in a damaged knee ligament.

No Colin. you weren’t worth that.

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Tinder Problems

I’ve not yet had one single date from being on Tinder, not one. I turned up for one but my date didn’t, only to be told (after I’d messaged him that I was at the designated meeting point and I couldn’t see him) that actually, something had come up so he’d have to check when he was free again and let me know.

Good luck with that mate.

I’ve had a few conversations, but no one I’m remotely interested in especially after the couple of happy go lucky souls I’ve been chatting with this past week. One of them “B” seemed a bit quiet, a bit shy, (fine) and during the day we didn’t communicate much as we were both at work but later on in the evening I’d get what he probably considered to be flirty texts, but in fact were inappropriate and offensive, and I told him. “Oh it’s just my sense of humour love.” And that’s the problem. A lot of older guys don’t realise we are now in the 21st century and humour acceptable in the 1970’s is now inexcusable. The same thing happened a couple of times, this guy didn’t get in touch until late evening after he’d had a couple of drinks which made him brave but totally offensive. “This isn’t working B, can’t get a decent conversation out of you until you’ve had a few drinks  and then I don’t want to hear what you have to say”. He explained that he couldn’t relax until he’d put his 11 yr old daughter who lived with him to bed.

What??

Not only had he dug his own grave with the offensive “jokes” he’d now flung himself in it telling me he had a young daughter who lived with him. I expect the guys I date to have grandchildren, not younger kids who still live with them. I’m not a single person in my 20’s/30’s or even 40’s where I would expect that, this guy is 61 and I for one am not signing up to be someone’s step mum. He also had three daughters, and we all know what happened one time I went on a date with another guy who had three daughters, he left halfway through the date after receiving a phone call from one of them for some “emergency”.  But B knew his days were numbered and in a last ditch attempt to change my mind he said ” I’ve lost weight since those profile pictures were taken.”

Game over.

Another guy I was chatting with went straight in for the kill, no messing about, no chat, just when and where should we meet but “Not on Tuesday as it’s my mother’s funeral.”  Personally I’d have thought he had other things to worry about other than chasing dates but there we go. Tinder problems. I also had the same problem on Match though, not a single date from that, just guys too lazy to message even and just send a “wink” to let you know they’re interested. Sorry guys, no effort, no reply. And let’s not forget all the matches made, only to be unmatched an hour later for whatever reason I will never know.

Tinder problems, who needs ’em.

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Dating Is Exhausting

So Valentine’s Day has been and gone and I’m still single, just like I am the rest of the year. In a way I feel sorry for all the couples who feel under pressure to declare their love for each other on a particular day of the year, I would like to think I’d get flowers, chocolates and taken out for a romantic meal any old day of the week instead of being in a restaurant on February 14th with all the other couples trying to prove to the world how happy they are. But hey, I’m single, what the hell do I know?

What I do know is that a couple of weeks ago I was getting a couple of dates lined up with a couple of guys who seemed to be just what I was looking for. One of the guys was a bit younger than me (bonus) and he seemed really keen, a lot of texting, couple of phone calls and because all us single people like to make sure we have busy lives we arranged to meet a few days later. The day arrived when we were due to meet and as I hadn’t heard from him I didn’t get ready. Later that evening I had a text saying “Sorry, been really busy with my daughter, can’t make tonight.”  No I wasn’t impressed to say the least, because since the day we’d last spoken to arrange the date there had been no contact at all. I’d text him a couple of times and he’d replied but nothing like it had been so I was a bit confused.

Confused but bloody fuming.

The same thing happened with guy number 2, really keen and once we’d arranged a date all contact ceased, radio silence, nothing but apparently he’d been “too busy”.  I for one like to keep the communication going because I’ve been here too many times when just before I’m about to meet a guy he’s text (too scared to phone) to say he’s met someone else. Let’s be realistic here, we all keep our options open and I still chat to other guys when I’ve arranged a date with someone so it doesn’t surprise me if they do the same but I do think it doesn’t help if all communication/banter stops before you meet as guys are easily distracted by bright shiny things half undressed so I say keep talking.  Having said that, guy number 1 had the audacity to text me on the morning of February 14th to ask was I free that evening? Not for you love, no.

Dating is exhausting no matter what age you are, but it really is different when you’re older as everyone is bitter and cynical. I’ve heard too many stories of an ex wife/partner who took all the money/cheated and now these guys are really wary and I’m sure some women must have the same story. They tell you that they can have their ex back any time they want, even though that ex has been married to someone else for 20 years.  They tell you that their kids prefer them (as though it’s a competition) and they tell you that no, they don’t really want to find someone but they’re under pressure from the kids but they wouldn’t mind someone to go on holiday with. They tell you that they’d prefer you to be thinner, taller/shorter and with a different colour of hair. I could say the same as I’m sat across some bald fat misogynist who still doesn’t realise we’ve entered the 21st century. Dating is exhausting, time consuming and soul destroying, You have to keep hoping that you’re going to meet someone who you just click with, someone who you want to spend more and more time with, and who feels the same about you.

And don’t even get me started on the guys who slide into your DM’s on twitter asking for “fun and cheeky stories.”

Maybe I’ve reached the limit of stones unturned.

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Liar Liar Pants On Fire

So apparently there are more and more reports of people (usually women) losing thousands of pounds to online dating scammers, but I’m not surprised. On one particular dating site I’m using I can get up to 8/10 scammers a day getting in touch with me but how do I know that they’re scammers? Because they sound too good to be true.

As a woman of a certain age I am indeed a prime target for these low life scum who’ve nicked someone else’s profile picture (they only ever have one) and then proceeded to write the most cheesy profile ever but because they’re targeting a certain age group some of them make sure to include things that they think will probably appeal to some women, and unfortunately it does seem to work. Practically all of them that I get live in America, are doctors, or generals in the army, and a lot seem to be peacekeepers in Syria. All very noble jobs if only it was true. Most are widowed, leaving them with at least one child that needs a mother, and to cover all bases, they are great believers in the church. They place great emphasis on loyalty, communication, love, and finding the right person to grow old with.

” I’m a very loyal and open minded person, dedicated and generous person, most that know me say to a fault. I need a companion that is open and will communicate her feelings to me and to talk to her about her day, desires, wants, needs, family, friends, goals, dreams and all that affects her life to include me, my strengths and most importantly my weaknesses. I believe a person needs to know their weaknesses in order to grow. Relationships are works in progress and I might add, beautiful works for it to work. I’m looking for that right person to grow with, that is my best friend and love. I’m someone who can accept people as they are, I’m a fair individual who adapts to changes in life and enjoy life to the fullest. I pride myself in being honest and most trustworthy, I seek that in a mate. Someone who is compassionate yet understanding and has a calm demeanor and great personality. I love to travel and I would love to meet someone who I can spend the rest of my life with through good and bad times. I’m stress free and fun to be around, I love to laugh and share jokes with others and I’m a very good cook who enjoys a variety of food. I’m an avid reader and great conversationalist, I also like to have social functions and entertain friends but I’m also a very private person who enjoys the comfort of home relaxing and listening to good music, jazz,opera, gospel, reggae. I’m looking for a partner who is fun, likes to travel, very family oriented. I’m loyal and kind and expect the same from my partner. I’m honest to a fault and can’t stand people who lie. I enjoy good conversation as well as quiet quality time. I’m independent and have been on my own for almost 8 years so I don’t need someone to make me happy. I want someone to share in my happiness and allow me to share parts of their life. I love life and everything about it and it shows in the way I live, laugh and love. I firmly believe that life is good.  I love life and enjoy waking up each day, looking forward to whatever it has in store for me and I long to see and be with my companion from day’s first light until evening’s rest and my companion should feel the same way. Thinking of how to live a better life and how to find that special someone to live my life with until the end of time. Life is too short for it to be any other way. I want to meet a woman that loves the Lord and takes good care of herself physically and mentally and will love me like Jesus Christ loves the church. Lol. I just want to be loved, treated with respect, passion and understanding and most of all I want to be able to trust my partner with all my heart and I want her to trust me too no matter what. I want my dreams, fears joys and most of all my love to be hers too and hers being mine. I want to feel special and safe when I’m with her and even when she is far away from me. As for the term or length of relationship I’m looking for should be unlimited and undying love. When the right woman comes along we both know deep inside of our heart that this is what we have been waiting for. I want my woman to be my best friend.”

Well it certainly beats the standard ” Like staying in/going out. Anything you want to know just ask.”

It doesn’t matter that he lives in America, when I answer that there’s no point in pursuing it the answer is always the same. They’re about to be deployed and are planning to come to England and how do I feel about dating him? But I have too many questions such as how can he be stress free working in Syria as a doctor? How would his young son/daughter feel about moving to England to be with a stranger? How is he still single when he seems so perfect and good looking? And that’s when they quickly want to get you off the dating site and exchanging emails. Some might even suggest it straight away with ” Can’t get on here that often, how about sending me your email address here’s mine”.

But I’m a seasoned cynical dater who doesn’t trust anyone, I’m not that easy to fool.

But imagine if you’re a lonely older woman who’s started to feel that not only has she come to the end of her shelf life, she’s in danger of not even getting snapped up when she’s put into the reduced section. A woman who might be widowed, come out of a bad marriage/relationship who has low self esteem. Or maybe a woman who’s gone through life totally relying on her looks and only defines herself by being with a man. Both of these are easy prey for someone who’s willing to give them the time while also telling them everything they want to hear.

“Hello Dear.

I really don’t usually do this, sending messages to people I don’t know but your pictures have made me to change my mind. I had to send you a message I couldn’t contain myself. You are amazingly beautiful, your smile, your charming eyes, your sexy look, everything about you is just WOW. heavenly. I wonder what it would take for a guy like me to marry someone like you. You are hot, sexy, appealing and everything that a real American man needs in a woman. I’m a gentle man with a big heart and beautiful personality. I’m the guy who holds the door for you and gives you a humble smile and a soft hello. I work hard with my hands and my mind and I am more in tune with life than most people. Well educated professional man, I am cool and respectful. I’m looking for a woman that has a tender heart, kind, considerate of other’s needs and one that would appreciate having a man that would love her in a way that she’s never been loved before. I want a woman that is not too hurt and not too hard to trust again and give herself to a man to be loved and take care of in a way that will bring a joy of life and an appreciation she will look forward to every day.We can talk about anything under the sun, sharing personal experiences is cool. Looking forward to hearing from you, have a nice day ahead.”

I had one guy message me saying he’d had a bad day but never mind that tell me about yours? So of course I asked him what had happened and within 5 messages he’d said he was desperate for money as his son had written off a police car and he had to replace it. The funny thing was though that as the conversation progressed it was getting more and more difficult to understand him as the writing became more erratic.  Apart from blocking and reporting these guys there’s not a lot you can do, just follow all the rules and hopefully you’ll soon learn to recognise them but let’s be realistic here.

If it seems too good to be true, then it usually is.

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Fabulous Woman Seeks Pot of Gold.

As part of starting the new year as I mean to go on, this past week has found me messaging guys first instead of waiting for them to message me on the dating sites I use. I’ve done this before and it usually ends in tears…mine. Let’s be honest we’re all shallow creatures, we all look at the profile pictures and then decide if we can be bothered to read the two lines that have laughingly been presented as a profile. and I’m sure it’s the same for guys, but I personally am attracted to anyone who has taken the time and trouble to write a funny profile (as long as it’s not one they’ve nicked from me) so I was on a mission.

A couple of guys I contacted responded and it was going really well with one of them and just as we were about to  decide on when/where to meet up he disappeared. Hopefully not in a puff of smoke, no, I’m hoping it was a bloody cyclone because there is nothing more infuriating than someone deleting their profile just as you’re getting interested. That and someone texting you when you’re actually on your way to meet a date to tell you that they’ve changed their mind. I did text him once to ask what was going on but no reply so I left it. But I think I know why he did it. This particular guy lives quite close to where I used to live and maybe he’s married and it’s a bit too close to home. Maybe. I didn’t recognise him but the odds are I’d know his wife/ex but perhaps he just genuinely changed his mind but whatever reason deleting a profile is a bit extreme.

So, back on the treadmill and after a few messages back and forth with what I thought seemed a nice guy we swapped numbers and I got a text asking me a couple of questions that I knew we’d covered, so I went to look at our conversation on the site before I replied and lo and behold, his profile had gone. I text back, “Your profile seems to have been deleted.Any ideas?” “Oh yeah, I dropped my phone and lost loads of stuff but when am I coming round for tea?”  Hmm…don’t buy that one but I replied.”You’re not coming round I’m afraid but I’ll be happy to meet you for a drink.”  And guess what, no reply.

On twitter there are loads of dating experts, and while they offer good advice there’s only you yourself can say yay or nay to what a guy has to offer.  Sometimes you have to be pro-active in this dating game so while it’s always nice to get messages they ‘re sometimes not from any one suitable. One guy who has messaged has actually put on his profile in response to the question “Do you have any children?” with the reply “Prefer not to say.”  Yep that’s sounding like a keeper to me. So the search goes on…at this rate it might be easier to find the pair of jeans that got swiped off the washing line in 1976.

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