Being the hardened, cynical serial dater that I am, I like to think that I can spot a scammer a mile off, but apparently not everyone can read between the lines. This past week has seen quite a few on one particular dating site that I use and they all use the same template, in that they are a General in the United States Army, have pets, and state that religion is very important to them. One photo of course (which won’t be them) and a beautifully written profile in perfect English that goes out of the window when you actually exchange messages. Like I say, I can spot ’em a mile off but it does seem that women of a certain age get sucked in after I heard a story this week that involved a woman buying a holiday for the two of them (thinking he was going to pay) and only hearing alarm bells when he said he needed a short term loan. A holiday with a guy she’d never met, who lives in America but works in Dubai, who apparently earned mega bucks, what was she thinking? He never turned up for the holiday by the way.
These deluded women are also the type who write to guys on death row. Women who should know better who’ve been married (maybe more than once) had relationships, and maybe feel that it gets harder to find someone when you get older, thinking that their best years are behind them, maybe they’ve lost a lot of confidence and so any guy who pays them a bit of attention is latched on to. I get it, I really do, but hopefully common sense would kick in at some point instead of deluding themselves into thinking that they have now found their soulmate in a man who’s murdered someone, living thousands of miles away with a cat in hell’s chance of getting out of prison alive.
Oh the romance.
And that’s exactly it. Getting involved with someone on death row means he’ll never cheat, you know exactly where he is at all times and it’s all hearts and flowers as there’s going to be a limited time on this relationship. It’s all high drama, saving like mad to get over to Texas to see the guy you’ve sent a thousand letters to, had a thousand phone conversations with, and who will always be innocent of the heinous crime that he’s actually on death row for. “They don’t know my Jimmy like I do. He’d never hurt a fly”. But he did. In fact he did a lot more than that but let’s not let the truth get in the way of a good Mills&Boon romance because that will spoil everything. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted because it’s not real. Running around with a placard protesting his innocence will not change anything, will not make anyone revoke his death sentence, will not make the families of the victims forgive and forget, but you know this. Because really, you don’t want him to be found innocent and become a free man, the attraction for these women is the fact it’s not a real relationship, it’s going nowhere and they can be a death row widow and pretend that they have lost the love of their life.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong, I should be writing to “One eared Frank” in Strangeways asking him where he stashed the bottles of vodka he nicked from a supermarket (565th offence) and promising him I’ll take him for a breakfast at McDonalds when he gets out. But I’ll be refusing to go on the precinct with him, a girl has to have some standards.