Earlier this week I met a friend for coffee, someone I’ve known for 20 years, and after we’d said our goodbyes I decided there and then that I was probably never going to see her again as I realised that actually, she wasn’t much of a friend anymore and hadn’t been for a while.
Friendships (like any relationship) need working on sometimes and I’m probably as guilty as everyone else when I haven’t put the effort in now and then or put someone off as I can’t be bothered meeting up that particular day but I like to think I can be relied on when needed, especially when a friend is going through a hard time and let me tell you, it’s never the ones you think will have your back when the chips are down, there’s always one or two surprises. Friendships come and go, but a small amount of people will be in your life forever and we’re all lucky if we have those friends we can rely on but it’s not all plain sailing. Like I said I’ve know “C” a long time, we’ve had a couple of holidays together and what I liked about her was that she was always up for a laugh, always the centre of attention and up for anything.
So with hindsight, I should have seen this coming.
A few years ago I had to start a new life and part of getting on with it was dating, which is when I started a blog which led to writing for Metro for a year as an older dater and while most people were supportive there was radio silence from C. Not the end of the world of course, so I expected to hear from her when I’d been on First Dates, as obviously I’d told EVERYBODY but again, not a peep from C so I gave it 3 weeks then I text her asking had she seen it and she said she had and she didn’t like it and the reason she hadn’t been in touch was she’d been busy. A little alarm bell started ringing, surely not? I let it go as an episode of Rip Off Britain was coming up a few weeks later where I was to be talking about single supplements on holidays and she said she would definitely be watching. No she never got around to it and that’s when I realised she didn’t like the attention I was getting so I stopped telling her about anything good that was happening in my life as I knew she wouldn’t like it. Our phone calls and texts were dwindling and I was starting to come away from every meet up thinking what a waste of time it all seemed as I was having to censor everything I was telling her but I also knew that to our mutual friends she seemed really supportive so no one but me knew the truth. To be honest I stopped looking forward to seeing her but when I found myself in her neck of the woods earlier this week I text her and asked her was she around and did she fancy meeting up for coffee, to which she replied yes she was.
The last time I’d seen C was back in January when I’d just started Slimming World and since then I’ve lost 2 and a half stone so obviously I thought this would be the first thing that she’d notice but apparently not. I was sat there in clothes 3 sizes smaller than usual and she didn’t say one word. Not one. I of course didn’t mention it as it was another positive in my life so I came away thinking what is the actual point? I don’t give up on friendships lightly but if that particular friend isn’t being supportive then I don’t need them in my life, we all go through phases in some of our friendships where we wonder sometimes is it worth it but for me it’s time to let this friendship go. We all deserve friends who support us in all the good stuff and the bad stuff, who defend us, who want the best for us, who offer a shoulder to cry on and also tell us when we’re out of order, nothing less will do.
Now someone pass me that lettuce leaf.