WSOH (4)

When someone sends you a message telling you that you will never stop laughing when you`re on a date with them then obviously curiousity gets the better of you and you read their profile……..
“Just done 25 years in Broadmoor for chopping up women I meet on the internet.Only took my job at B+Q so I could get the 25% discount on a new axe, and if I let my probation officer out of the cellar I`m sure he will tell you that I`m fully rehabilitated. On a lighter note I`m young at heart and have a great sense of humour, got my own teeth, all my bits and pieces work and I ain`t got any weird ailments that mean I have to empty a colostomy bag into the freezers at Tesco. I have a daughter who thinks she has the better of me by running in and shouting “You alright spacehopper” but I will get my own back later shopping in Asda by doing my pub singer tribute for her down the aisles. Not mentioned I have a dog, bought him last year so he`s still a pup. I wondered why the guy was smiling and giggling so much when I drove off, soon found out the thing is either deaf or backwards. I was gonna take him back but the guy`s moved.”
Or this guy…….”I`m tall (it`s cold up here) I have one of my own hairs  and a tooth so I`m in good working order as long as I remember to wind up the pacemaker  and keep away from magnets as I`ve a tin leg.If you wake up breathing  it`s a good day. I admit to being 48 and have done for years, I just look old as I had a long paper round and it was all uphill.If there is ever a dispute I can see both sides of the situation, being cross-eyed helps with that. I can see the funny side of  most things and can be quick with humour….well it makes me laugh, especially if I tell a joke I`ve not heard before. When I go on holiday I like to be looked after, I`m not into camping as it reminds me of the Red Indian who drank that many cups of tea he died in his teepee.”…….
Or maybe this guy…….”I used to be really fit when younger , I ran everywhere but the coppers never caught me.I drive long distances for my work but love getting into my own luxury car and go into the country… what`s wrong with a robin reliant?? I like a pint of bitter and enjoy a large glass of red wine with my meal, I`m down to 15 meals a day now.
Back in a former life I was keyboard player in a group and was lucky enough to play in front of the Queen Elizabeth, the Prince of Wales and one or two other pubs around the country.
Not sure about this computer dating. What happened to the days when we went to the local village hall and you looked across the crowded smoke-filled room where you espied the girl of your dreams .You looked at her and smiled. She rolled her eyes at you and you picked them up and rolled them back.Can this ever be as romantic as that? Since I`ve been on here I`ve been inundated with beautiful ladies not wanting to talk to me.If you say hello I`ll always reply especially if you leave a fiver.
It has been reported that some people have been showing photos of themselves naked on sheepskin rugs. These people have now been evicted from the site. That`s the end of the nudes… here is the weather forecast. A plane loaded with car parts had to eject the cargo to gain more height during a dramatic flight, it`s now raining Datsun cogs……Oh is that the time? I`d better let you go and read profiles where the authors are more desirable and talking about time…I bought a lovely watch a while ago but daren`t wear it, it`s got a lifetime guarantee-when the main spring goes it slashes your wrist….”
So…how can a girl resist?? After reading that lot I feel like I`ve inhaled helium……..